I made pancakes last weekend. The first batch didn’t turn out. Honestly, they never do. No matter how many years I’ve been making pancakes, the first batch is always a little too done (read: burned) on one side and then a little misshapen because of an over-eager cook with a spatula.

I was a senior in high school, and in a hurry. The car I usually drove, a little Chevy Citation, was parked at the end of my parent’s driveway. I was in our big, black van. At the time, cars didn’t have sensors and cameras on the back, so there was no warning before I smashed the back of our van right into the front of the Citation. I had made history at that moment—no other child in our family ever wrecked two cars at once.

Twenty-two years ago I was living in California with my in-laws. Brian was busy with medical school, and I was home taking care of our infant daughter, Samantha. It was a time filled with so much learning. I often felt overwhelmed and under-knowledgeable.

It was 3:15 in the morning. I stood outside my son’s bedroom door and knocked.

“Come in,” he said.

I pushed the door open. Landon was dressed in his suit and stood next to his three packed bags.

“Mom, does my tag look right?”

In my naivete as a youth, I believed a lot of things that I heard. Whether it came from teachers, friends, or other well-meaning adults, I was on board. Some of these catchphrases were meant to inspire and protect, but have fallen flat as I’ve lived my life. I hope this post doesn’t read too cynical…it’s meant to be more of a Holly Snow reality post.

Welcome.

Tucker and I walked to the bus stop this morning, reading a book like always. He pointed to the sky and told me he had learned about the moon. He wanted to say more, but I cut him off.

“Pay attention, Tucker!”

Does that sound like the dumbest thing ever? Feel your feelings??

Doesn’t everyone feel their feelings? Is there really another option? Can I choose to NOT feel some emotions?

The short answer is yes.

This is a story about me.

My oldest daughter and I started having a strained relationship when she was in high school. She was very secretive about pretty much everything. I felt desperate and tried all kinds of things to break her shell, but nothing worked.

I sat across from my friend, Mandy. We were on the tire swing outside our first-grade classroom. Mandy started spinning the tire. At first, I was laughing and having a great time.

That didn’t last long.

“The results from the scalp biopsy came back. She has non-scarring alopecia.”

Brian and I went swimming with Manta rays.

Well, it wasn’t really swimming, but we were in the water while the Manta rays were also in the water, eating.

Does that sound scary?

It totally was.

When faced with an opportunity, choose to participate.

This was one of the things my dad often told us. It’s definitely how he lived his life. And it is how I try to live mine.

I don’t like shrimp.

Shrimp have a texture that bother my mouth. I have been trying shrimp in different recipes for 40 years…and I just never really like it.

I got to watch my brain at work recently. The situation wasn’t great, and I was incredibly angry.

I am a Pisces.

According to the Chinese Zodiac, I am a dragon. My husband is a tiger.

I’m an extrovert… except when I am introverted.

I fell yesterday. It wasn’t graceful. It was a limbs-flailing, body-hurling fall.

It was the kind of fall that hurts.

My uncle is Mike Smith. He passed away several years ago, but some of my favorite memories include him.

I’ve been thinking a lot this week about commitment.

There are some things in my life that I am 💯 committed to doing, and others things that I just seem to be interested in.

Yesterday I spent about seven hours driving in my car. Despite the number of miles I have driven in 2022, it is not my favorite pastime. But driving all those hours to celebrate my oldest daughter and her accomplishments? I’m AAALLLLL in for that.

Have you ever watched babies learn to walk? It’s not smooth sailing. Those first steps are mixed with falling and crashing repeatedly. Watching this process is fascinating. Typically, there is a guide involved—a parent, sibling, nanny, or someone who is cheering the baby on. The first couple of steps are wobbly, uncertain, and off-balance. Down he goes!