Brainpower

I got to watch my brain at work recently. The situation wasn’t great, and I was incredibly angry.

This is what happened.

We went to the lake for the evening. I was in the boat and Brian was on the dock. Always a highly stressful event for me, this time was no different. The wind was blowing and I anxiously approached the dock. Brian jumped on the boat, and I tried a few maneuvers to get on our way.

The boat was turning in ways I struggled to understand. Panicked, I went backwards in an attempt to straighten myself out. I failed. Desperate to not hit the dock, I moved forward. The back side of the boat swung to the right and smashed against the dock, leaving several scrapes and scratches.

For the love.

I was furious at myself, at Brian, at my kids, at our stupidity in even having a boat! I blamed them all. Brian is too high-pressured for me! He wants everything to be perfect all the time and I can’t live up to that. My kids distracted me trying to put up the shade and I couldn’t focus the way I needed to focus! I felt horrible and wanted to get away—from everyone and everything. Truthfully, I wanted to stop feeling so much shame, and those scratches on the boat were a constant reminder of my ineptitude.

I was wallowing.

Brian approached me to talk about what happened. All my thoughts came tumbling out of my mouth, including the one where I said he was too much pressure, and I needed a husband who didn’t make me feel so inadequate.☹️

He simply said, “I’m the one pressuring you?”

Oh man. He was right.

I knew no one could make me feel pressured and stressed…I was doing that all on my own. I let myself feel disappointed and so, so embarrassed. I tried to judge myself less. I hit the dock, but it wasn’t intentional. I make mistakes sometimes, and that’s ok.

All of this took time. I was pretty surly for a while. Then I made some decisions. I was a normal person who screws up. I was going to have fun on the boat with my family. I am always responsible for how I feel.

Our evening on the lake ended up being very fun. I even took a turn riding on the tube, which I rarely do. It was awesome!

This is the power of our brains. We can be completely intentional in how we think and in turn, how we feel.

No matter what happens.