Hypocritical Holly

When Samantha was 9, she came home from school and was so very sad. I sat down to talk to her, and after a few minutes, the entire story came tumbling out of her mouth.

"I HATE my hair! It's ugly and boring brown, and I want to be blond! All the Disney princesses have beautiful blond hair, and I want to look like them! Everyone at school says I have mousy brown, ugly hair. I want blond hair like yours, Mom."

I glanced at my reflection. Blond like me?

I had been highlighting my hair since I was 17, and I did love the blond. The older I was getting, the darker my hair became, and I was not thrilled about it. The blonder I got, the better! I looked at myself in the mirror again. Samantha wanted to be blond like me. Hypocrite.

Something clicked inside my head that day. Even though I often told Samantha how pretty her brunnette locks were, my actions were much louder than my words. If brunnettes were beautiful, then why would I bleach my hair?

I never bleached my hair blond again.

I'm not sure if Samantha even noticed, but I surely did. I wanted all my kids to love themselves, not spend time loathing their DNA. And that day, I clearly understood that my actions and behaviors were the best teachers. I've been my natural brunnette self ever since (well, let's not be crazy...I color my hair to cover all the gray. I'm not that natural🤪)

A similar experience happened about 18 months ago, but with a different daughter. All my girls have wave in their hair, to varying degrees. Norah despises hers. She is tender-headed and her wave can get really snarly. Because I didn't grow up with wavy hair, I really had no clue what to do. Neither did she.

She complained daily about her hair. Every time we would get ready for school or dance, she would tell me how much she hated her hair. She wanted straight hair, like mine.

As I listened to her ranting, I remembered that day with Samantha. I knew my hair had natural wave, so I decided to go all in. I read and researched and watched a million videos about wavy hair. I practiced and practiced and practiced. I started buying different products and helped Norah learn how to better take care of her hair as well. Norah's hatred for her hair led me on a path to stop hating my own frizzy hair. A year and a half in, and I have noticed that Norah doesn't tell me she hates her hair anymore. That alone feels like a win.

My kids have taught me a lot about myself...mostly shown me the ways I've been a hypocrite. It's hard to really walk the walk. Life would be so much simpler if they'd just do what I say, instead of watching (and sometimes mimicking) my every move. Sigh.

Don’t miss the point of this post. I used hair examples because they are true stories and they were pretty easy changes for me (well, sometimes I miss the blond). Please don't get caught up in the hair. Dye your hair whatever color you want! Use a flat iron or a curling iron everyday. Those things are not the point. Look deeper.

This is the bottom line—talk is cheap. The most powerful lessons are taught by what we do, not what we say.