Commitment

A few Aprils ago, Brian and I had planned a trip for just the two of us. We were going to fly to Boston on Saturday, spend a couple of days there, and then train to NYC for the rest of the week. We were highly anticipating this getaway.

Months earlier, I had found a young woman (let's call her Abby) to watch my kids while we were gone. She had watched my kids before, and everyone liked her. I wasn't worried at all.

Life sometimes gets in the way of my plans, and it certainly did here. My dad got sick and died that same April. The funeral was set for Saturday, April 13. It was the day we were supposed to fly to Boston. We called the airline and explained what had happened. Thankfully, they let us move our flight so we would leave the day after the funeral. No problem.

The day of my dad's funeral came. After the service, my whole family was eating lunch in the church building, and my phone started dinging. I looked down and had several texts from Abby.

It wasn't good news.

"Hey, I'm sorry but I'm not going to be able to watch your kiddos. I have a lot of stuff going on and I'm not in a place mentally where I can help you....blah, blah, blah...sorry about that!"

I was in shock. I stared at my phone, trying to comprehend what was happening. I turned and told Brian that Abby had just canceled on me! She backed out the daybefore we were flying to Boston. I could not believe it.

I asked if she had a recommendation of someone else, and she did give me a few names.

I spent the rest of the luncheon frantically calling Abby's other references, explaining why I was so desperate for an emergency babysitter. It was unnerving. Remarkably, I did find someone and we went ahead with our plans.

Now, let's fast forward a bit.

In January 2020, Brian had some medical meetings in Hawaii, and I was going, too! Again, I had found a young woman (not Abby) who had agreed to help watch my little kids at home. Again, we had discussed this and arranged it months in advance. The Sunday before we left, five days to be exact, this young woman ran over to me after church and told me she could no longer watch my kids. Uh, wut?

IT HAPPENED AGAIN!!!

I was stunned. Once again, she offered up a friend of hers who was available and willing. I reached out to her reference and got things squared away before we left on Friday. Unbelievable, right?

I've thought a lot about this. I wondered if there is something wrong with my children? Are they beastly little things? I do have a diabetic daughter, but she has been self-sufficient since she was 4! I didn't really think they were the problem.

Commitment, or the lack of it...that's the issue.

I have observed this in several young adults, and even in my own children at times. When you commit to do something, that promise or obligation will limit your freedom to do other things. For example, I married Brian 23 years ago. When I committed to him, I stopped dating other men. That freedom is gone because of my promise. If I commit to come to a party, but then a more appealing offer comes along, I still go to the party because of my pledge to do so.

This concept seems pretty straight forward.

The other problem I see with commitment is that people are committing too quickly to everything all the time. If you commit to all the things, you're essentially committing to nothing. It would be far better to say no, I'm not able to commit to that, than to promise you will and then fall short time and time again.

Commitment needs to be taught. It is a skill that is learned with practice. If your kids commit to band, help them follow through with that. They go to class, rehearsals, and performances...even when they don't want to do it. If you commit to a service project, show up! The weather that day no longer matters; show up.

Being flaky comes easily, but keeping our promises and obligations is hard. Don't back away from it; honoring your commitments is worthwhile.