Kaleidoscope

Have you ever looked in a kaleidoscope? I love them. I love how the colors are constantly moving, forever interwoven with each other.No matter how you turn a kaleidoscope, the images are always beautiful. Certain colors are dominant for a moment and then they fade into the background as it turns. Sometimes you want it to stay, because it's amazing and wonderful and perfect, but it keeps turning.Turn.My mom texted us that my dad was too weak so they took him to the hospital. Just like that, my colors changed. I could feel it happening. My whole life filled with kids, dance lessons, school lunches, church activities, and band performances disappeared. I dropped everything and got on a plane to Idaho the next morning. When I got to the hospital, I was the youngest daughter, the baby of the family. That was it.Turn.My dad died. The colors changed so frequently at this point it almost made me sick. I was a daughter, a wife, a mother, a friend, sometimes a confidante...and then back to a grieving daughter. The turns kept coming and coming, and there was no time to enjoy the beauty in each movement. Keep up. Just keep up.Turn.I had to go back to Texas. Life was moving forward. I went about my normal life, but the kaleidoscope was stuck. Out of focus. Simply out of focus. Not here nor there.Turn.We flew to Idaho for my dad's viewing and funeral. At the viewing, I stood in a receiving line with my mom and siblings, and we talked to the many people from our lives who had come to share in our grief.Turn.Turn.Turn.Out of the corner of my eye I saw my best friend. I hadn't seen her in about 16 years! My heart. I couldn't stop hugging her. Then, because she is awesome, she stood next to me in the line. These colors were ones I missed, ones I hadn't seen for so long. Time passed, and TWO more of my best childhood friends came (and stood next to me). We laughed and reminisced and caught up. They lifted my broken heart, made a beautiful kaleidoscope that I loved remembering. I wanted to stay here forever.Turn.To be honest, I've not been loving the colors in my kaleidoscope right now. It certainly doesn't feel beautiful. Grief has taken up permanent residence, and those colors appear in every turn. I want them to go. I want to move past this. Back to life, back to normal.The problem is the kaleidoscope of life doesn't show normal. It shows us moments. Sometimes our moments are filled with excitement and happiness. Others are frightening or stressful. Some are full of grief.I have learned that the beauty is found through gratitude for the moments in our life, even when those moments are hard.