The comparison trap
Approximately twelve years ago, I was going to a Christmas party with some women from church. I wanted to look nice, but casual. I instantly knew exactly what I would put on. I grabbed my favorite jeans from the drawer and slid them on.
Aaaahhhh.
I loved my jeans.
They fit me perfectly, hugging tight to the right places and giving me room in others that created a flawless, flattering silhouette. I felt amazing as I walked out the door. I would wear these jeans forever.
The party was full of friends and I was having a great time. A short program was prepared, so everyone found seats and waited for it to begin. I sat on the couch and had a perfect view of the front door. I heard the door open, looked over, and saw another woman walk in—wearing my EXACT jeans!
I about died of embarrassment.
Despite the fact that we were wearing the SAME pants, this woman was younger than me—much younger—and she looked incredible. She honestly looked like she was hand-picked to model the jeans. Embarrassingly, I kept staring at her backside. It was unbelievably fit and small and everything mine was not. I had just been shown how my jeans were supposed to fit, and my humiliation was complete. I sunk lower into the couch cushion and resolved to stay there permanently.
The program ended and I didn’t move. I talked and smiled and acted as normal as possible from my seated position, but my mind was a mess. I couldn’t think of anything but how much worse I looked in my fav—well, used to be favorite!—jeans. Please, let this nightmare end.
Finally, the girl wearing my same jeans left, and I breathed a sigh of relief. I stood up and exited myself. I was done.
I’ve thought about this night a lot. I left my house with all the confidence in the world, and returned in shattered pieces. The ONLY thing that caused such a drastic shift was that I compared myself to someone else.
Comparison is trouble.
When we compare ourselves to others, we always lose. Either we feel much worse, or sometimes we exalt ourselves and feel much better than that person. Both scenarios are no good. In the business of comparison, there are no winners.
Thankfully, there are a couple tricks that can help you avoid the comparison trap.
Confidence. We are all unique. You are not going to be exactly like anyone else, and that is a good thing! I wish I had had more confidence on that December night 12 years ago. The woman wearing my same pants looked fantastic, but that didn’t mean I looked bad. We could both look great! Remember your worth as an individual—it’s infinite. Confidence drives out our need to compare.
Try being inspired instead. People do incredible things, and we can look at those accomlishments or skills and be inspired by them. You don’t have to be defeated, jealous, or even humiliated in the presence of greatness. You can choose to admire and then work to improve yourself. One thing to remember—you will never be inspired until you have some confidence first.
It took a little time, but I did start wearing my favorite jeans again. I still loved them, even though the image of the woman from the Christmas party always popped into my head. I decided I didn’t care. I kept wearing them because I felt great. I loved those jeans til I wore holes in the knees and the bottoms were frayed. Even after they were beyond shabby, I wore them to remind me that the comparison trap is a no-win game.
No one has time for those games.
Not me.
And not you.
