Smarter tomorrow

I do dumb things sometimes. Really dumb things.

I don’t advertise all of the stupid decisions I make, but this one ended in me wearing a boot, which meant that I had to tell and retell the story many, many times. And when you have to tell a story so many times, it gives you the opportunity to really think about what you did wrong, and how you can be smarter.

Last week my dog was outside, and I opened the door to let her back inside. She promptly walked in, went over to an area rug, and peed.

What in the world??

Bailey, while a bit mischievious, has been an ideal dog. This was so out of character for her. Nevertheless, I was frustrated as I went about cleaning the mess up. She is an older dog, so maybe she just got confused? I thought it may have been a one-time event, so I moved on.

It wasn’t.

Monday night, almost the exact same time—she disappeared from the family room and came back a few minutes later, looking as guilty as ever. I walked over to the same rug, and there was a brand new wet circle in the exact location she had peed the night before. Two days in a row!! 😩

I lost it.

I wanted Bailey out of the house, not just because she was peeing on my rug, but so I could clean the mess up before she could do it again! I tried to get her outside, but she kept running to one corner or another and never toward the outside door. This went on for a few minutes, and I was getting more and more angry. I finally got her in front of the opened door, but she wouldn’t walk out. I lifted my leg to give her a swift kick in the backside as encouragement, but as my leg swung forward, she ran out the door and I made contact with the door frame.

I hit the top of my foot so hard a wave of nausea washed over me.

I fell to the ground.

OUCH.

After a few minutes, I got up and got cleaning. Again.

Something was not right.

I went to bed like normal and woke up in intense pain. My foot throbbed. I got out of bed and could NOT put any weight on my foot. In the middle of the night, I got on all fours and crawled to my freezer. I got an ice pack, crawled back to my room, and prayed it wasn’t broken.

The next morning I still couldn’t put weight on my injured foot. I found an old, much-too-small-boot that Annie had worn several years ago, and smashed my leg inside. My toes hung out the front by several inches, but it enabled me to at least be upright, so I went with it. I drove to Brian’s office and got an X-RAY.

Everyone asked what I had done? Humiliated, I shared the stupid story multiple times. Each time I told it, I felt embarrassed to admit that I had acted in anger. I was mad that my dog was peeing inside my house! I was frustrated with my dog, and then with my reaction.

UGH.

The good news was that it wasn’t broken. Hooray! The bad news was that I couldn’t put weight on that foot and got a boot (one that actually fit me) to walk around.

I tried to avoid people as much as possible. I would just hunker down in my own house. However, I had things to do and I did see some friends, and they wanted to know what happened, of course. Reluctantly, I told the dumb story. Brian even said I probably needed a better story—but is there really anything better than the truth?

I was so dumb, and I knew it. Here, at 48 years old, I am still learning lessons about controlling my temper and not reacting to anger.

Sigh.

If you are like me, and it feels like your default setting is anger…can I offer one tip that may help?

• when things go awry, try being curious first. Curiosity before anger.

It’s a tip that I am actively practicing in my own life. After spending a few days in a boot, I did start to wonder what was actually happening with my dog. I decided to take her to our vet, and they did find some things wrong. Her bloodwork had results that would explain her inside accidents. I left the vet with medicine, a bit of shame, and a renewed determination to be curious first, and angry less.

My foot is almost healed now, and Bailey is back to her normal, albeit old, self.

As for me? I’m working on being smarter.

the right foot is so swollen! Notice how you can't even see the tendons in that foot.