Great Expectations

“I would never let my wife mow the lawn!”

I sat there on my mower, stupidly, too stunned to say anything. I didn’t know if I was more annoyed because of the chauvinism or the fact that he used the phrase “ let his wife” in any sentence.

“Well,” I said, “I’m really glad I’m not your wife!”

He chuckled, and we moved the conversation to why he had come to my house in the first place...to fix an electrical problem we had. He got to work, and I mowed the rest of my lawn.

I’ve thought about that exchange for years. He came to my house with an expectation of what a wife should do, and I wasn’t doing it. That bothered me. What a jerk.

As time has passed, I realized that I was more similar to him than I initially thought. Maybe he wasn’t a jerk? Maybe he was normal? For example, I also have great expectations in so many areas of my life...and I don’t think I’m the only one.

Most people have ideas for how life should be, and especially for how people should act and what they should do. Unfortunately, these ideas can make life difficult.

When Brian and I got married, I just expected him to take out the trash. My dad always did it. Husbands are in charge of the trash. But guess what? Brian didn’t take out the garbage. Not ever.

I would get so angry about this. Why couldn’t he just do his job? Frustration was my best friend. I’d walk by the garbage can, eyeing the ever-increasing mound of filth precariously balanced on top. Eventually, I couldn’t stand it anymore! I would take the garbage out myself, cursing Brian’s name with each step.

It wasn’t ideal.

One day, I got tired of it all. I decided I was being ridiculous. I was a grown woman! I can take out the trash. It’s not a big deal, and my rule that it is a husband’s job to be on garbage duty was just making me miserable.

So I got rid of that expectation, and something amazing happened. The trash was just the trash. I didn’t get angry when I saw a full can, and I wasn’t walking around mad at Brian all the time. The garbage bin gets full, and I take it out. So easy.

You will notice that the amazing thing happening was not that Brian started taking out the garbage all the time. He didn’t change. He was still the same husband of mine who did tons of awesome things...but taking the garbage out wasn’t one of them. And that’s ok with me.

Expectations and rules aren’t bad, but sometimes they are hurting us. When you walk into an ice cream store, your expectation to walk out with ice cream is reasonable and benign. If, however, you have rules about how fathers should behave, and your own dad doesn’t follow your rules...that can be very painful.

Remember, you don’t have to let go of all your expectations, thankfully, because I still have a lot of mine. I’m just letting the ones that are making me feel frustrated and disappointed go.

In the meantime, it’s trash day. I have garbages to take out and a lawn to mow.