Something to share

Have you ever brought food to some kind of event? It's pretty scary. Terrifying, even. It's an incredibly vulnerable thing to do, especially if it is homemade. Sometimes the consumers of your food love it, and sometimes...they don't.

Many years ago I was asked to make cinnamon rolls to honor all the fathers in my church congregation. I was one of four women asked, and the others were pretty famous for their delicious rolls. I have no idea why they asked me? I had two little kids at home and had never made cinnamon rolls in my life, unless you are counting the pre-made ones found in the freezer section. I'm not sure why I even said yes?! But I did.

I was up early Sunday morning making the cinnamon rolls. I knew things had gone badly from the start because the dough didn't rise. Well, it rose a little, but not enough. Time was flying by, so I shaped the dough into rolls anyway. They didn't rise the second time at all! I felt sick. With only 30 minutes until church, I put the rolls in the oven, hoping for a miracle.

I didn't get one.

I had two pans full of the ugliest cinnamon rolls in history. They were flat and hard and just looked terrible. I was so embarrassed. I covered the pans with towels and dropped them off in the kitchen at church. I wanted to melt into the floor. I started praying. Please, God, don't let anyone know I made those atrocities!

Church was coming to a close, and the announcement was made for the fathers to go and pick up a cinnamon roll from the kitchen. I waited for a bit, keeping my eyes down and avoiding everyone. Finally, as the crowd died down and most people went home, I quickly walked to the kitchen and got my pans. Every cinnamon roll was still there. Of course! Had I expected anyone to eat them? Truthfully, I was hoping that while they looked awful, my rolls were still yummy. Uh, nope.

My embarrassment was intense. It still is, honestly. When I got home, I threw every cinnamon roll in the garbage. Besides Brian, I never spoke of it to anyone. I also never got asked to make cinnamon rolls again.

Around the same time, I was asked to bring dinner to a family who just had a baby. She was a fairly new friend of mine, and I was happy to help. I went to Trader Joe's and picked up my favorite things, one of which was a beef roast that was precooked and delicious (seriously, so good). I put everything in my car and drove to her apartment.

I walked in with dinner for her young family. I got everything out of the bag and set it on her table, explaining how my family loved this roast and how good it was! She looked at me and said,

"Oh, I'm a vegetarian!"

Are you kidding me???

I started to apologize profusely, but she was gracious and said her husband and kids would love it. I was still so embarrassed. I left quickly, feeling pretty stupid.

Like I said, bringing food somewhere is a vulnerability exercise.

Over the past 25 years, there have been so many times where I have brought food for something...parties, bridal showers, baby showers, potlucks, family reunions, and funerals. Every single time, I get a little bit nervous. I usually bring a dish I love, and I want everyone else to love it, too! And sometimes they do, but occasionally they don't.

For me, that's been a hard pill to swallow. Why does it bother me at all? It’s just food! As I thought more about this, I noticed that the rejection of my food felt like a rejection of me. Walking home from a potluck with an empty dish feels a lot better than leaving with an untouched one. How on earth did my worth get tied to the food I brought?? Looking back, I felt so terrible after the cinnamon roll incident, I wouldn't make them again for years. Now that's crazy.

Like all my experiences do...they taught me something. Every time I brought something to share, I was focused on ME and how I wanted to be viewed instead of paying attention to the person or cause I was helping. GULP. That realization was an even bigger pill to swallow. I decided to change. I still bring food when asked, and I hope the recipient likes the food, but my focus is different now. I understand that the service performed is the important part, not how delicious the food tastes. Well, sometimes I understand that. I'm a work in progress.

So when you are asked to bring something to share, do it! It's a great opportunity to help. Ideally, you won't bring beef to a vegetarian dinner...but if you do, I get it. I’ve been there.

Just don't ask me to make cinnamon rolls, okay?