Way to go, Coach!
Despite my lack of playing organized sports growing up, I have become a coach. Like most coaches, I started out a little weak. But time and experience have helped me tremendously. I've also observed my kids and their coaches, teachers, leaders and mentors. I think I am finally getting it. Are you curious what I could possibly be coaching?
My family. My team is my family.
The discovery of my having six kids elicits some kind of response from people. Shock, amazement, pity, anger, congratulatory remarks, laughter...something. I feel like I have heard it all. I can offer a little insight into what my team is like. I have six completely unique children in my family. They may look alike, but they are not the same. Each one has a different personality, with differing opinions, challenges, strengths and weaknesses. In my opinion, it is a pretty typical team.
Some of my kids keep their beds made. Some don't. Some of my children can do dishes and clean the kitchen and it sparkles. Some of them "clean" and I wonder if our understanding of the English language is the same? Some of my kids make friends easily wherever they go. A few of my kids really struggle to find friends at all. You get the idea. They do NOT shine in the same way.
As a coach of this team, what is my job? If you are a coach, what is your responsibility?
I have observed a significant amount of coaching in my kids' lives, and the best coaches try to develop the ENTIRE team. This kind of development takes time and effort, but mostly time. The coaches who get caught up in winning now are mistaken. A few hand-picked stars should never be the goal. While that team may appear temporarily impressive on the surface, the depth of the whole team is shallow.
I'll give you an example in my own team. As bedtime rolled around, I'd usually ask two of my daughters to help getting their younger brother to bed. One is older and a better reader, so I would go to her as the default bedtime-story-reader. The other daughter could help with brushing teeth and getting pajamas on. Over time, the younger daughter would ask if she could read the books? I'd hesitate, knowing that it would take so much extra time, and then say no. This went on for some time. I finally realized what I was doing. My coaching was bad. Instead of putting in the time and letting my younger daughter become a stronger reader, I kept her back in a role I knew she could do well. I was stunting her development. My perspective was short-sighted, and my coaching reflected this.
Unfortunately, developing the entire team can be painful. You may have a dishwasher that is loaded so badly that you have to rewash several items by hand, or a horribly mowed lawn that makes you cry tears of frustration. Your daughter may make cookies with twice as much butter as called for, and you get to eat them anyway. (When that happens, it's ok. They look awful but taste delicious.)
Great coaching is no joke. When you decide how skilled someone is going to be at age 5, age 9, or even age 16, I think you have made a mistake. If you have singled out one star and left the rest of the team in their pigeon holes, that's exactly what you will create...a team with one excelling member. If this is you, think again. The world would have us believe there is only room for one at the top. Please don't fall for that. Develop your whole team.
Be the coach who gets it.
