Polishing

One of my favorite movies is Emma.  There is a part in the movie that is completely cringe-worthy.  Emma, Mr. Knightley, and a few of their friends are having a picnic.  They all begin playing a game, a game called Three Things Very Dull Indeed.  As the scene moves forward, Emma says something very rude to one of her guests.  The silence that ensues is awkward and painful,  broken only by the babbling of the ill-treated woman.  It’s awful.  That is NOT my favorite part.Afterward, Mr. Knightley, who is a dear friend of Emma’s, confronts her about her boorish behavior.  Then he chastises her, believing that she is better than how she has behaved. He “calls her out,” you might say.  This part IS my favorite.I love it.I think his reprimand is what is missing from our lives today.  Does ANYONE have the courage to stand up, especially to powerful people, and say, “that’s not right…You are out of line…You shouldn’t do that…say that…act like that!”I have heard it described like this: people just don’t have a filter anymore.  NO.  That’s not it.We have become silent on basic manners that should exist in a civilized society.  Manners aren’t old-fashioned, and being kind never goes out of style.  There are still things that are right and wrong.I’ll share some examples so I can make my point.One Sunday, my daughter was excitedly telling the other girls at church about her date the night before.  She had had a great time.  One of the girls listening asked who her date was?  Samantha told her his name, and then this was what followed: “Oh, well you were his SECOND choice then. He asked me first, and I couldn’t go.”  Then she smiled, smugly.  Samantha didn’t.  Her excitement was gone, and she felt exactly how that girl wanted her to feel…second-rate.I was shocked when I heard this story after church.  I was even more surprised when I found that one of the youth leaders was standing RIGHT there and didn’t say anything.  She told me she tried to change the subject.Another example happened this week.  I had invitations in a bag, ready to hand out to 37 girls.  One young girl came up to me and asked, “WHAT are those?”  I hope you can hear how she said it.  She emphasized “WHAT” and said it with disgust dripping out of her mouth.  I turned to her, slightly stunned.  I spoke to her briefly about the tone of our voice, and wouldn’t give her an invitation until she asked politely.  She did.  I handed her the invitation.  The whole thing went unnoticed by the others around us, and only lasted about 30 seconds.  I hope she remembers the importance of not only what we say but how we say it.Whether you reprimand publicly or privately, and whether it comes from an adult or a peer, pointing out that our words have been hurtful and rude is a necessary part of growing up.  Everyone needs polishing.  But unchecked mistakes DON'T become life lessons…they just pile up until we become rude, vulgar, and offensive.And no one needs that.