Speaking Up

I think my family chokes down some laughs when people learn I am a life coach. I’m almost positive I see a few rolled eyes.

Frankly, it makes sense. I have learned so much, but I’m still me, flaws and all. Our vacation over spring break reminded me of my human-ness.

We went skiing over spring break. Because we live in Texas, it’s a lot of helmets, skis, poles, and boots to rent. After two days of skiing, Brian’s boots were bothering him quite a bit, so he decided to trade them in for a better-fitting pair. Norah was also interested in getting a new helmet because it didn’t have a goggles strap in the back. It wasn’t a big deal, but since we were headed to the rental place to exchange some things anyway—she brought her helmet.

Norah explained the problem with her helmet, and the employee brought out a new one for her to try. The new one had a strap, but no knob to adjust the fit. She said it was too big.

At this point, I felt annoyed and a little embarrassed. She needed to just make this work! In my frustration, I turned to her and said,

“Norah! This is a rental place! It’s not going to be the greatest helmet in the world. Stop being so picky.”

The employee brought out a third helmet for her to try. She put it on, and said it was great. She stood a foot behind me, and I heard her faintly whisper,

“Sorry.”

It took me a minute, but I was soon filled with shame. What was I teaching Norah? Why was I upset? The second helmet didn’t fit, and she spoke up—what exactly is annoying about that? I wanted her to have a helmet with a back strap and a good fit, didn’t I? As I thought about it, I also wanted her to be accommodating and not a nuisance. To whom? The rental place I was paying??

I was surprised at myself.

I absolutely want my kids to speak up. If a helmet doesn’t fit, you should say so, and keep trying until you find one that does. In a world where everyone is afraid of being a “Karen,” I wonder if we have become a little too agreeable.

Don’t rock the boat. Don’t take up space. Just agree and move on.

No thanks.

You don’t need to be confrontational, but speaking up for yourself is a good thing. When you can tell someone the truth, even if there may be some awkwardness, that is good. You don’t need to shrink in front of others because you want everyone to feel good.

I turned to Norah and apologized.

I also explained how speaking up and finding the right helmet for her was the perfect way to handle the situation.

I hope she remembers it.

I know I will.