Worse before it gets better

Monday afternoon I went to Brian’s office and had him give me a PRP shot. PRP stands for platelet-rich plasma, and it has been shown to produce collagen and growth factors, which promote stem cells and leads to faster healing. Sign me up! I’m all in for fixing my very painful right shoulder.

My shoulder has gotten so tight and stiff, that I have been using my left hand for things like brushing my hair. It’s not easy. I’ve lost the ability to put my hair in a normal ponytail, so I have adopted the Deb-from-Napoleon-Dynamite side ponytail. Just so when you see me—you know why my appearance is a little altered.

PRP shots take a little time. At first, they draw your blood and then you wait while the machine spins it (or whatever it is doing) and turns the blood into platelet-rich plasma. It was enough time that I started to get nervous. I’m not really tough.

After a while, Brian walked into the room holding a container full of needles. Well, it seemed full of needles anyway. There were three shots of PRP and others with lidocaine to numb up the skin. He had me sit up at the edge of the bed. The MA sprayed my skin to numb it a little, and the lidocaine went in. No sweat. Then Brian gave me the first shot of PRP in the back of my shoulder. It hurt. I instantly felt dizzy and nauseous, and I told him I’m going down.

I fainted.

Embarrassed, I waited for a few minutes and then sat up again for the second shot in my shoulder. It was so painful, but no fainting this time.

Then I got to lie down and Brian numbed the front of my shoulder. One more shot to go. I closed my eyes and tried to breathe deeply. This injection was agonizing, and I cried. But it was OVER! I waited for several minutes and then we went home. My shoulder has been SOOOO stiff, but I did have a little pain relief.

However, now I am supposed to start therapy. I know the exercises I am to do—and they are excruciating. Brian said PT (physical therapy) actually stands for physical torture, and I must agree with him. In order to get my frozen shoulder back to normal, I need to be doing the therapy six times a day! SIX!! I am avoiding it. It hurts so much. This whole process has to get worse before it gets better.

I am dragging my feet.

Isn’t this how we all are? Any kind of change, healing, or evolution requires effort on our part. It is NEVER easy, and hardly ever painless. Most of the time, things get worse before they can get better. And that’s why most of us don’t do it. We would rather live with manageable pain, adapting here and there. It is far easier to turn the light off in the closet and pretend it’s clean and organized. To get the pristine closet means you have to pull out ALL the things. It’s going to get worse—WAY worse. Then, and only then, is it able to get better.

This is my life right now. I want to lay still in my bed and never move my arm. I want to avoid pain as much as possible. While this story is all about physical pain, most people do the same things with mental and emotional pain. We avoid it. We turn off the lights and pretend the mess isn’t there. We live our lives with underlying pain, just hoping it will go away on its own.

It doesn’t. Change and healing result from our efforts. You know it is going to get worse, and you do it anyway because you truly want to get better—all the way better.

So I am going to do my therapy, even though it hurts.

Are you?