What do you want?
At the end of January, I went to Utah for the weekend. On Sunday morning while I was on my way home, Brian texted me.
“Annie is sick. 🤮”
Then, not quite 30 minutes later, he texted that Norah had also thrown up. Honestly, I felt bad for him and the girls, but I mostly felt relief that I wasn’t there. I didn’t want to get some nasty illness. I told Brian I was sorry and just counted my blessings that he was home and not me. I boarded the plane and enjoyed my last few moments of solitude.
The girls were recovering when I got home. They slept and rested and were back to normal by Tuesday. Tuesday night I felt a little off—not really sick, but not 100%, either. I decided to go to bed early.
My night was anything but restful.
Starting about midnight, everything on the inside of my body was trying to get out. And everything coming out was doing so forcefully. It was the kind of illness that no one in their 40s should have. At one point I was too weak to make it back to my bed, so I just laid down on the cool, tile floor. In my exhaustion, I wondered if death was an option? Around 6 am, the vomiting stopped and I crawled back into bed.
I spent the next day under my covers, weak and miserable. By Wednesday night, my insides had settled down and seemed to want to stay inside. I was so grateful. Thursday, I felt normal again. Healthy.
Ever since that horrible night, I’ve been thinking about what I want.
Hmmm. Do you ever really ask yourself that question? Do you still dream? Do you have goals and aspirations? What do you want to create with your life?
It is easy to live in a place of scarcity. We focus on what we don’t have and settle into that space. We spend a lot of time feeling like our lives are lacking and we are stuck. Typically, I never even think about my health—until I am sick. Then, I really want to have a healthy body. I don’t usually spend energy wanting my car until something is broken and it has to be fixed. That’s how I live most of the time. What I want has been a simple listing of the deficits I see.
However, I know things can be different. We can dream big and set huge goals in our lives. We can! We can create a remarkable life. One of the ways to start dreaming again is to practice wanting things from a mindset of abundance. Although it’s not easy, I keep at it. I have made a list of things that I want, and it has things on it that I already have and things I don’t have yet. For one, I listed a healthy body, which is something I have already…then I have places I want to visit and adventures I want to experience(those are still goals for now). My six kids are on my list. I always wanted six, and I got them all! They are on the same list as visiting Greece and seeing Niagara Falls.
What do you want?
Dream big, but make sure you keep wanting the beautiful things you already have.
