What can be done?
The world is ever-evolving. Trends come and go, boundaries are pushed, long-held societal norms are destroyed. Raising kids in an environment like this can be intimidating, to say the least.
During a discussion about raising kids and their agency and the currents of the day, a friend said,
“What can be done?”
What can be done???
Her question, said a bit flippantly and off the cuff, has stayed with me. I am no parenting expert, but I do have a little bit of experience now—almost 25 years. And the second my first daughter was born, I took on a reponsibility for that child, and each one that came after her.
So what can you do??
Here are a few things:
TEACH. Teach your children. Teach them good manners, to be polite and courteous, to be respectful and kind. Teach them what you believe and why you believe it. Teach your children all the things that will help them become adults that can live and function on their own. Teach your kids to not be a turd. Literally. Some kids are running around acting like pieces of garbage.
CORRECT. Life is a learning process, for everyone. We all say, do, and act in ways that we wish we could take back. The most memorable growth usually comes from our biggest mistakes. As parents, you will occasionally have a front seat to this behavior. Don’t just watch it and shrug your shoulders; take the time to correct your children. You don’t have to make a big public scene, but you have a duty to correct poor behavior, rude comments, and just overall bratty-ness.
SAY NO. Oh man, this one is hard. No one wants to be hated and despised, especially by your own children. There are situations and circumstances that are not right for your kids, or not right for their age and maturity, and you need to be able to say NO. Your kids may be mad. They won’t understand. They may pitch a fit and tell you how old and out-of-touch you are. They may say they hate you. Sigh. It never feels good, but kids need structure and rules. Be able to say NO when needed.
PRAISE. Tell your kids as much as you can all the things you love about them. Catch them being kind and thoughtful, and point it out! Positive reinforcement is super powerful. Look for the good, even if it is fleeting. 😜
APOLOGIZE. No one knows your hypocrisy better than a teenager. They can smell it a thousand miles away. You are going to make mistakes as a parent, and probably a lot of them. I just had a weekend with my girls where I may have lost my mind for a while, and they were in the line of fire. I’ve had better moments. After a few minutes, I said I was sorry. I probably need to say it again, and I will. Perfection is a myth. Let your kids see that you know you messed up, you feel badly about it, and you are trying to be better. If they see you modeling that pattern, they will follow suit. A genuine apology goes a long way.
I know I have written about parenting before, and I feel quite passionate about it. It is NOT easy. The responsibility that comes with raising children is not to be given away. Take the duty seriously.
THAT is what can be done.
