Sticks and Consequences
Have you ever picked up a stick?
It’s kind of a ridiculous question. I imagine everyone has picked up some kind of stick in their life. But have you ever picked up only ONE side of the stick? To be clear, I’m not asking if you’ve lifted one side or the other—instead, have you been able to pick up the whole stick and leave only one side on the ground?
The answer is no. It’s impossible.
So what if the sides of a stick are like our actions and the consequences of those actions? Can you do something and escape the consequences?
Again, the answer is no. It is impossible.
The best part about having a family is all the chances you get to become a better person. This week has provided some difficult opportunities for learning in my home. There are times when we make terrible decisions. We say things we regret, we treat others poorly, or we act in a way that is reprehensible. Take heart…everyone does this. A common reaction to our poor choices is to try and leave the other side of the “stick” on the ground. We only really want one side anyway—the choice side. This is a fantastic side! We love it. We get to do whatever we want all the time, and nothing bad happens. Well, life doesn’t work like that. It’s impossible to leave the consequence side of the stick on the ground. Unfortunately, we often don’t like the consequences that are connected. So we attempt to blame someone else, rationalize our behavior, or deny our actions ever happened. Even when we take responsibility for our mistakes, we want to choose mild consequences—things that just won’t hurt too much.
Folks, this is impossible.
No matter how sorry we feel or how much regret fills our hearts now, we picked up the WHOLE stick. The consequences attached to our actions are out of our control.
So what do we do?
First of all, remember that life lessons and wisdom are learned through experience.
As parents, don’t remove the consequences of your kids’ choices—even the hard, embarrassing, and public ones.
Teach them responsibility for their actions by being an example yourself.
Practice humility. We all screw up. It’s ok to admit that.
Don’t use your regret as a weapon. Beating yourself up has never fostered lasting change. Instead, use that regret as fuel to change and become a better version of yourself.
Life is a beautiful mess. Take advantage of all the lessons it offers you.
