Ownership

Pacifiers.

Not everyone believes in using them, but I did. Pacifiers were a tool in my mom-survival box, and I never left home without one or two.

Samantha loved hers and had it in her mouth whenever possible. As she got older, I limited it to only naps and bedtime. That thing was a sanity-saver. As she grew, I knew it was time to get rid of her pacifiers. One day, I impulsively threw them away. Just like that. It was terrible. There was wailing and crying and tantrums galore (and not just from her!), and I swore I would do it differently with future children.

The next kid who got pretty attached to her pacifier was Julie. She too was getting older—rapidly approaching three years old—and I knew I had to do something. Not wanting to repeat her older sister’s experience, I asked around and got a lot of advice and opinions. One idea intrigued me.

I was going to do it.

The next morning, I gave little Julie a pair of scissors. Toddlers LOVE scissors. Julie was no different. She was busy cutting paper when I placed her most-beloved pacifier on the table. She looked at me quizzingly, and I asked if she wanted to cut it. Of course, she did.

Julie picked up her pacifier and cut the rubber part off.😳

I knew she had destroyed that pacifier, but she didn’t. She kept cutting paper for a few minutes and then popped the cut pacifier in her mouth. Immediately, she knew something was wrong and spit it out. She tried again. Nope. One last time she put it in her mouth and pulled it back out with annoyance. She looked at it, threw it on the floor, and started to cry.

At this point, I reminded her that she was the one who had cut her own pacifier. This explanation only made her cry harder. Julie, at the tender age of 2 1/2, was devastated. And I won the award for meanest mom in the world.

I’d like to go back in time and deck the person who gave me the idea—just kidding. I wouldn’t really hit them, but I would never try such a stupid thing again. This is why:

Julie had no ownership in her decision. Yes, that’s what I was trying to do (in a super lame and mean way), but not understanding the consequences of her actions, she could never really own her decision to cut the pacifier. She knew she was the one with the scissors, but that was it. She didn’t know what would happen if she cut the end off. She certainly didn’t realize she was making her pacifier unusable. Furthermore, I was the one not taking ownership of my decision! As her mother, I knew it was time to get rid of it, and I didn’t want the fight, so I attempted to pass the ownership back to my 2-year-old daughter.

That deserves a big ol’ JA BRUH.

Ownership of our decisions is a crucial part of adulting. In order to do this, you have to practice looking forward to possible outcomes, anticipating what may come to pass. You have to be mature and ready for a variety of outcomes. You stop doing whatever feels good at the moment. You are less impulsive and more thoughtful. You create the life you want through purposeful decisions instead of helplessly watching life happen to you from the sidelines. When you own your decisions, you don’t blame others if the consequences are difficult and unwanted. You are honest with yourself about your flaws, knowing they are there, and don’t make excuses for your behavior.

You own your decisions.

All of them. You own the great ones, the meh ones, and the terrible ones. And because you have ownership over all your choices, you can work on improving. You can evolve. You can level up in work, as a parent, in your relationships, and in your life. Who’s ready?