Mean Girls
One of my daughters had an experience with some other girls last week that was hard. The girls were mean. As I listened to her story, I started thinking about mean girls in general. Do some girls just come wired that way? Is it in their DNA? Or is it learned behavior? From my perspective, it does seem like girls are getting meaner and meaner all the time. I’ve pondered about this, and this is my insight.
Mean girls are created by mean moms.
That’s it.
If you are like most humans, you will automatically exclude yourself from the mean mom category. That may be true. But, it may be possible that you are doing some things (even unintentionally) that are teaching girls how to be mean. Here’s a list of things that mean moms do.
Mean moms gossip about other people. A LOT. They love to talk negatively about other women, and they will even gossip about their daughter’s friends. Really, no one is out of bounds for them.
Mean moms blame other people. When their kid misses out on an opportunity, it is the fault of the director, the coach, the doctor, the friend, the boyfriend, or whomever can be blamed at the time. Nothing is their fault. In fact, nothing is ever the child’s fault, either. They hold tight to their victim mentality, and teach their daughters to think the same way.
Mean moms believe they are better than other people. They use all kinds of things to bolster this thought—their clothes, their job, the size of their home, their beauty, their popularity, their intelligence, their income, or their impressive connections. There is no additional room at the top for mean moms. Everyone is a threat, and they see people as winners or losers. They only cheer for themselves.
Mean moms ignore and excuse bad behavior from themselves and their daughters. In an effort to be kind, they will stay silent when intervention and correction is needed. They believe that if something is said or done unintentionally, then it doesn’t need to be addressed. They miss out on teaching moments again and again and again.
Mean moms are usually mean to themselves. They believe their self-worth comes from external accomplishments, and that makes them very controlling. They need people to behave a certain way so they can feel good.
Now, are you still sure you aren’t a mean mom?
When my daughter first told me the story of what had happened last week, I was livid. My gut reaction was to protect her and destroy everyone else (figuratively). But as the mean mom list came together, I started to see glimpses of myself. I’ll be honest, it was not a fun realization. But, the worthwhile changes we need to make are never fun—not at first, anyway.
Girls aren’t born mean. They are taught. If we would like people to be kinder, it has to start with us. Mean moms create mean girls. Let’s get off this train.
Who’s with me?
