What’s your goal?

What is your goal in having children?

Are you hoping to have a pod of superfans, cheering your every move as brilliant and inspired? Do you want a group of always-happy, never-failing, goal-accomplishing humans? Is your competitive spirit driving you to create kids who will always be the BEST—at EVERYTHING??

Let’s be real. You can attempt to achieve the above…but goals like that will never happen. First of all, kids have a front-row seat to their parents’ shortcomings and hypocrisies. It cannot be avoided. Your children know you mess up and struggle and do stupid things. Frankly, you really don’t want your kids to believe that you are always brilliant. You’re not. You want them to see that you are honest and authentic. It’s much more valuable.

Next, stop saying that you just want your kids to be happy. No. You don’t. You do not want people to be happy all of the time—it would be weird. Honestly, most parents simply say they want their kids to be happy so they can feel happy. Ugh. Negative emotions like disappointment, sadness, frustration, and irritation are equally as important as being happy. Your goal should not be maintaining your kids’ happiness. Let them be mad, jealous, or disgusted! Even if those emotions are directed at you. It’s ok.

It’s also ok when your children fail. They will. Things will not work out. Make sure that your love isn’t connected to the pipeline of their ever-growing achievements. Raising children is hard, and there will be so many failures—from them and you. Be realistic. We all fail. Seriously.

Lastly, competitiveness is super fun in games, but it gets a little toxic in life, especially with our children. If your goal was to create the BEST athlete, the SMARTEST kid in school, the PRETTIEST girl, or the BEST musician…stop.

Stop it right now.

Your children may be those things, but that should never be your goal. These things are temporary at best, and they matter quite little.

So I ask again, what is your goal in having children?

Here it is:

Parents should raise their little kids to become functioning adults in the world. That’s it! This means your kids will leave your home and live on their own. They’ll need to clean, obey laws, cook, work, study, be respectful of others, and be someone who contributes to society in a positive manner.

That is your job.

It sounds like a straight line from A to B, right? Haha—it’s not. Remember how we all fail? Going from completely dependent to independent takes time, lots of trial and error, and effort (from both the parents and the kids!). Sometimes I forget what the goal is, and when one of my kids makes the new dishwasher overflow like a Brady Bunch episode, I want to swoop in and do everything myself! More often than I would like, that is exactly what happens.

But then I remember.

I remember that I am teaching my kids to become adults—good adults. And so I let them do the dishes.

And then I pray.😂