Ho ho, the mistletoe
Have you ever seen mistletoe growing organically? Like, in the wild?
I have. A few years ago, I started noticing bunches of green in the branches of trees that had recently lost their leaves. I had no idea what it was, so I started asking around. One friend told me it was mistletoe.
We never hung mistletoe in my house, and despite the many songs about the plant, I’d never been caught under the mistletoe at anyone’s house…ever. I got curious about it. I spent a little time researching. I’ll tell you what I’ve learned.
Mistletoe is semiparasitic, which means it can make its own food, but it also relies a bit on the host tree for water and nutrients.
It can be harmful to trees, but because it usually grows so slowly, it is rarely an immediate threat. Most trees can handle a little mistletoe here and there.
If mistletoe overtakes a tree, it can stunt growth or even kill its host if other factors like drought or extreme heat or cold are present.
Stay with me for a minute. This is not a blog for arbor enthusiasts.
So who cares about mistletoe?
Well, I do. I think it’s so interesting to see what appears when the leaves fall. You cannot clearly see the mistletoe until those branches are bare. Compare yourself to the tree. What is under our leaves? When we peel back the clothes, the job, the makeup, the hair, the house(s) and car(s) we own…what appears? What is left?
Our brain.
Managing your brain is a skill, and it is one that we need to learn and practice. We have so many thoughts during the day, and most of us aren’t paying attention to any of them. And yet, they are ever-present. Sometimes, our brain will use our experiences in our life to “prove” our thoughts true. Things like forgetting a dentist appointment means we are stupid, or dropping and breaking a favorite bowl means we are worthless, or even that a few burnt dinners mean that we are a bad mother. See how a mismanaged brain can be problematic—parasitic, even?
All people have thoughts that don’t serve them now and again. We beat ourselves up for missing a deadline, or for yelling at our kids (AGAIN!). We can handle a little of this. But when we start to let our brains go wild, and our thoughts spiral wildly out of control without any management at all, our personal growth is stunted.
This has happened to me more that once, unfortunately.
Six years ago, Annie was in first grade. The week of her first grade program had arrived, and she was giddy with anticipation. She reminded me all week what day the program was being held and what time we needed to leave. Her excitement was palpable. Life was so busy at this time, and my mind often felt like a jumbled mess. Thursday came, and I was feeling great. Dinner was done, my little girls were in the bath, and they were getting to bed on time! Woo-hoo! Annie looked up at me from the bathtub and asked what time the program started?
Oh no.
I had completely forgotten her program! It was 6:45, and the show had been going since 6 pm. I lost it. A massive sob escaped my lips, and I dropped to the floor.
“Oh, I’m so sorry. I forgot. I’m so sorry. I can’t believe it. You missed it, Annie.”
I cried, and cried, and cried some more. I cried all week long, actually. My thoughts about myself were brutal. I went from a great mom to a despicable one in a few hours, all because I had thoughts about forgeting a first grade program! I was a mess, and I stayed a mess. The guilt and shame were incredibly powerful, and I wondered if they would ever leave? I remained in a state of despair for a long time. I pulled back from friends and my family. I went through the motions of my life, but I was a shell of a mother. I was unreachable. The negative thoughts in my brain had completely taken over my life. My personal growth stopped. My vigor for life was gone.
The mistletoe had overtaken the tree.
Today, as I drive down the road and notice all the mistletoe, it reminds me to pay attention to my brain. What am I thinking and why? What is going on underneath all the external, visible stuff? I work on managing my mind every single day. I don’t accept every thought as truth. I question a lot of my thinking. Most importantly, I decide who I want to be, and then I pick thoughts that will help me get there.
Remember the mistletoe.
