Awkward

Awkward is an adjective. It can be defined as causing difficulty, or hard to do or deal with. A second definition is causing or feeling embarrassment or inconvenience.

In 47 years, I can think of a million different awkward situations in my life. Some of them I have caused and some of them I have simply attended.

• It was awkward whenever I went on a date—even the first one with Brian.

• It’s awkward when I meet new people or talk to people I have already met and can’t remember their names (even after they told me repeatedly).

• It’s awkward when I say something out loud that I meant to think.

• It’s awkward when I forget an appointment and show up 15 minutes late.

• It was really awkward when a well-intentioned woman asked my friend if she was pregnant because of her belly pooch. She wasn’t.

• It was incredibly awkward when I picked up an athletic cup and asked what it was—in front of the boy I had a serious crush on in high school.

• It was awkward when my date filled up his car with gas and then realized he had left his wallet at home.

You get the idea. Life is full of awkward moments. It’s expected—at least, it used to be.

Now?

Awkward=Worst thing in the world! Talk to anyone under 30, and you will hear all the horrible things that come from awkward moments. People avoid it like the plague. Oh, I’d never do that…it would be so awkward!

But remember the definition: awkward is causing or feeling embarrassment, something that is difficult to deal with or hard to do. Are we now only going to do things that are easy? Do we have to avoid feeling embarrassed? This strategy is a bad idea. It’s a sure way to shrink and do nothing extraordinary. Who wants that?

Several months ago I was feeling especially snarky. Things in one of my daughter’s life were not going well, and I was taking it all personally. I was angry at her circumstances, angry at her, angry at her friends, and that turned into anger at the world. At this time, a group chat that I am a part of was very active. On this day, every text that appeared added to my irritation. In my annoyed state, I decided to send a snarky—well, mean—text to a friend. I sent it. I felt a temporary sense of relief.

“Did you mean to send that to the whole group?”

A dear friend alerted me to my blunder. My snarky text had gone to the entire group chat. Whoops.

AWKWARD.

I sat for a moment, staring at my phone and feeling like a fool. I was incredibly embarrassed. I had caused great difficulty, and it was hard to deal with it. I reviewed my options: 1. Avoid awkwardness at all costs—I could throw my phone away and move to Idaho and never talk to these people again. I’d have to start a new life, which means Brian would need to find a new job and I’d uproot all my kids and everything we have here, OR 2. Embrace that part of life is awkward—I could feel humiliated and apologize anyway and hope they were a forgiving bunch.

I apologized.

I tried to give some context for my anger but admitted it was mostly just a bratty moment for me, and I was sorry.

We can learn a lot of things from awkward situations. We can get better at starting/having/holding conversations, thinking before we speak, planning our time well so we aren’t late, or even better at feeling embarrassed. We can also improve our ability to handle difficult things. All of these skills come from awkward moments.

Do you know what happens when we avoid everything awkward?

Nothing.

Nothing at all.

You deserve better than that.